onlookers to twin relationships can idealize the closeness and companionship that twins share. while the twin attachment is strong, enduring, and very close, the twin bond can also be fraught with competition, obligation, anger, and resentment. separating from your twin can be traumatic, liberating, and tricky. how to have a healthy relationship with your twin can be totally mysterious to twins in the throes of fighting with each other or having difficulty living separate lives. twins like to evaluate one another’s decisions, which can limit the development of individuality. when certain topics, such as friendships outside of the twin relationship, are not up for discussion, the possibility of critical and anxious input from your twin will be avoided. because twins are natural competitors, comparisons between twins can be endless—whether the comparison originates from your twin or an onlooker asking inappropriate questions about who is smarter, richer, prettier, etc.
i advise parents of young twins to give each twin some toys and clothes that are not sharable as well as some personal possessions that can be shared. fighting and rampant anger are destructive to the twin attachment. anger can burn the bridges of attachment that twins share in adulthood and can be very difficult to rebuild.5. try to help your brother or sister keep their head above water when their problems are very serious and complicated. taking the high road is always better for twins because of the depth of their attachment to one another. hiking, going to museums, concerts, traveling, and non-competitive shopping are all activities that twins can really enjoy together. getting along with your twin is not as easy as it may look to an uneducated onlooker. these ways of thinking about getting along with your twin have helped me and helped the many twins that i consult with.
growing up i always thought of myself as an individual (as well as a twin) and it was strange to me that other people didn’t see this as well. many identical twins continue to relate to each other in this way into young adulthood and find themselves identifying as “we” instead of “i” even in their adult conversation. often other people can’t tell the difference though, which means we have to make obvious ways for them to be able to tell us apart or else they’re always mixing us up and they don’t even think it matters! obviously this type of comparison and generalisation is very damaging to the twins involved. researchers have discovered that twins like bill and tim who have grown to maturity without the pervasive influence of an identical twin to modify behavior are actually more similar to one another than those who have been raised together. for the early years this is mostly a very positive experience as you’ve always got someone to play with and keep you company.
i think the ‘most healthy’ psychologically are the twins in category two who have managed to keep a high level of closeness with their twin but also found happiness and relationships elsewhere. i believe that it is difficult for singletons fully to comprehend this, because they have never had this notion of twinship as providing half of the percption of themselves. for twins, they have never known what it was not to be a twin, so that in some sense the twin loss is not comparable with other losses.” we, as a twin community, need to help each other through the hard times and help others to better understand the additional challenges we face as twins. in fact, it will be a hard time, and you should be ready to ask for help when you need it – either from friends or family, through the internet or from other twin groups. marriage-like relationships are the closest thing to twinship and so marriage counselors have a better chance of understanding.
twinship can easily become toxic when clear boundaries between twins are seriously confused and the unique individuality of each member of the pair is not identical twins compare themselves with each other – unfortunately so does everyone else! this is the root cause of many major problems for identical twins as naturally, both your twin and the new partner will feel threatened or confused. and for sure, some twin and non-twin relationships are toxic, fraternal twin relationship problems, fraternal twin relationship problems, identical twins psychological problems, twins common problems, psychological effects of being a twin.
adult twins will experience loneliness, which is inevitable and can lead to emotional confusion, depression, and being overwhelmed. nontwins will not understand the depth of your loneliness, which will only gradually fade into the background as you make new friends and get engaged in life without your twin. focusing on your personal history with your twin, acknowledging such issues as codependency, separation anxiety, caretaking, competition, and conflicting beyond the usual rivalry and spats between brothers and sisters, there’s the additional pressure and frustration that comes with always being the same study that found twins tended to remain single or marry late also indicates that twins’ unique relationship seems “to be a challenge for [the] spouse ., twin separation syndrome, are twins less likely to marry, twins living together as adults, twins codependency, negative effects of being a twin, twin relationship dynamics, twin escalation syndrome, why are twins obsessed with each other, interdependent identity twins, twins who live together.
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