the presenter, jeffery bernstein, asked whether we think love or understanding is more important to creating and maintaining healthy relationships. i thought it was an intriguing question, and wanted to know what friends and clients thought about this. and there is much overlap between the two. here are some sample responses: understanding can mean what we call these days ‘emotional intelligence’, or being aware, sensitive and intuitive with others. for example: “you seem down today, is that right?” or “i can understand why you are speeding since we’re late for our appointment and i’m anxious too but can you slow down a bit”. in other words, we learn to put a value on understanding, and even emotionally relating, to the topic of the story versus the storyteller.
i think that seeing and listening to the storyteller is an act of love. he asked, ‘how can others know how hard and upsetting this situation is?’ when some group members leapt to the occasion by saying some very loving things, like: ‘i want to know how you are doing’, and ‘i want to support you’ and ‘ i feel sad about what you are going through’, the client could not take in this love from others and still felt estranged and unsatisfied. as seen in this example, our culture’s need for relating and cognitively understanding what someone else is going through, it can keep us separated and more alone. mentalhelp.net is operated by recovery brands llc, a subsidiary of american addiction centers, inc. for those seeking addiction treatment for themselves or a loved one, the mentalhelp.net helpline is a private and convenient solution. our helpline is offered at no cost to you and with no obligation to enter into treatment. for more information on aac’s commitment to ethical marketing and treatment practices, or to learn more about how to select a treatment provider, visit our about aac page.
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