she was right, and i wouldn’t have it any other way. the baggage can be major and multilayered. as we were driving back from the beach where he had just proposed, ron turned to me and quietly said, “i have to tell you: i am so excited to be marrying you, but i’m not so excited about the wedding.” no matter how hard you try to push it aside, the specter of the first event — and, by extension, the first marriage, and first wife — hovers above you throughout the process. here’s what i mean: no matter how hard you try to push it aside, the specter of the first event—and, by extension, the first marriage and first wife—hovers above you throughout the process.
i estimate i felt 72 percent less guilty about leaving people off the guest list than i would have if it were the first wedding for both ron and me. so when i sat down to create the registry, it was more random than rational — a loose combination of unrelated parts. but there were three things that i knew i wanted: “running on faith,” by eric clapton, as the first dance; my guitar-playing brothers and smoky-voiced best friend to perform it; and a coconut cake. and i happily used that as an excuse to opt-out. and second, wedding vows are focused on the future — to have and to hold, from this day forward. and then i walked back down the aisle with my dreamy husband, surrounded by my new family, heart bursting with joy, grateful to be a second wife.
but now there are three possible surnames in my family, the only one who shares mine is the dog, and i urgently want a merger. i have a son and a daughter, 10 and eight; will has a daughter of 10 (though this is pure coincidence, not because we went on soulmates with âsingle parent, preferably of 10-year-oldâ as a search term). the death-wish rubric which is somewhere between an anachronism and a metaphor in a first marriage is now completely literal: you will definitely be parted by death, because you definitely will not be parted any other way. in fact, the main liberation â and this might be more me than the waleses â is that you donât have any money.
weâre already getting married on a wednesday afternoon because the council has a midweek special (âitâs fine,â said my stepsister, âiâve always hated going to work on a wednesday anyway.â), in a dress i bought in a charity shop, and a suit he inherited from an uncle of eerily similar dimensions. i always used to complain about something, usually the sense of captivity, that it is actually quite bizarre to find yourself in a social event with a minimum attendance of 12 hours. the youngest wants to dress as a member of wicked, the nefarious organisation that experiments on people in the maze runner, which i think is the best idea iâve heard. and if i seem insouciant, itâs not because iâm not taking it seriously, or i feel some residual coating of shame at re-entering an institution iâve already traduced once.
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