when they arrive, i welcome them into my office and as i shut the door, they have three options on where to sit. (see: why nobel peace prize winners get divorced) the preferred seating is for the couple to sit on the couch and i sit in one of the chairs. whenever i see a couple that has an issue with an aging parent or a struggling teenager, they always sit on the couch, close together, ready to tackle the problem. if the man has had an affair, the wife will quickly put a pillow between herself and her husband. while the husband is expecting them to both sit on the couch, the wife will sit in a chair, leaving him confused as to where to sit. the each grab a chair and i sit down on the couch. in those situations, before a question is even asked, i know what the problem is. there is a problem and they are united in wanting to attack the problem. and in many situations, they are primed to attack their spouse. (see: the number one cause of divorce) the first step in solving marital problems is to see the problem as an issue and not a person.
when a couple views the problem as an issue and not a person (specifically each other) progress can be made. ears are ready to listen. yet for as long as one or both spouses see the other person as the problem, progress is impossible. it’s not possible because one or both spouses will feel under attack, and when we are under attack we guard ourselves and attack others. (see: the most frustrating moment of marriage) but, if you aren’t attacking me and do desire to attack an issue which i see as a problem, everything changes. instead of viewing you as an enemy, i will see you as a friend. if the problem is bad enough, i will do whatever it takes to attack the problem and anyone who is willing to stand beside me in that process is my friend. if you desire to solve a marital problem, the first step is to position yourself side-by-side with your spouse and view the problem as an issue which you both desire to solve. whenever you view your spouse as a partner, they might look at you the same way. sadly, the one with whom we are called to fight with, we often find ourselves fighting against. see them as a partner to solve the issue which is causing the problem.
a perpetual problem endures because you and your partner fundamentally see the situation differently, according to michelle peterson, founder of the marriage blog #staymarried. peterson, 39, is the executive director of a nonprofit, and her husband tony, 41, is a software designer. like any couple, the petersons experience perpetual problems, but have learned how to live happily in spite of them. in the past, peterson often failed to recognize when her relationship was in gridlock, believing she could change her husband’s perspective or behavior, she says. if a perpetual problem in your relationship turns into gridlock, peterson says, it’s important to understand that fighting isn’t going to solve anything. the rule is simple: when one partner asks for a break during an argument, the other must honor it, she explains. when the couple realized they needed a third-person perspective, they began seeing a marriage counselor in 2015. peterson was surprised to hear her husband tell the therapist things she never knew. “you’re with somebody long enough, you think you know them, and so you forget to dig a little bit or to ask better questions, or to get curious about each other,” she says.
instead, she says she strives to understand where her husband is coming from. they go outside on their deck with no electronics to distract them, she says. peterson calls it their “nightly debrief.” “it doesn’t matter what the weather is, it doesn’t matter how cold it is — if it’s super cold we’ll just bundle up extra — but we go outside, no devices, just the two of us, for 15 minutes,” she says. instead, she asks her husband what he thinks. does this feel like a problem to you?’” for example, the couple recently moved into a new apartment that didn’t have a washer and dryer. peterson wanted to buy their own appliances, but her husband saw things differently. she says seeking to understand each other, rather than trying to solve perceived problems, has made the relationship stronger despite their fundamental differences. nbc news better is obsessed with finding easier, healthier and smarter ways to live.
sometimes couples experience marriage problems that could be solved if the two could notice their bad habits and change them. the first step in solving marital problems is to see the problem as an issue and not a person. it’s to take your spouse out of your line of sight for attack and how to survive perpetual problems in a relationship recognize when you’re at an impasse. if you are having the same fight over and over, there, causes and effects of marital problems, marriage problems and solutions pdf, marriage problems and solutions pdf, how to solve marriage problems in islam, long-term marriage problems.
the solution: to overcome money problems, sit down with your spouse and make a financial plan. some couples have a ‘my money is yours, and yours solution: stress within a relationship needs to be handled, or it can destroy the relationship. you can try to resolve this issue by talking to this issue can be dealt with by using three things: trust, forgiveness, and accountability. trust in the fact that you and your partner can handle finances., common marriage problems after 20 years, worst marriage problems. 10 top strategies for solving marital problemsrecognize when you’re in a gridlock. express yourself constructively. break the curse of familiarity. make decisions together. acknowledge your spouse’s feelings. understand that it’s not a competition. keep a positive attitude. give your partner space.
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