there are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. i am going to look at the issue from the lens of anxious and avoidant attachment. the fearful style is a combination of anxious and avoidant attachment and is less likely to adhere to a set pattern. and so, the dismissing person is unlikely to be seeking love, attention, and nurturance in the arms of another person.

they may be more open to romantic encounters outside …

they may be vague or non-committal when asked what they want. the closer you start to feel to them or the more you desire a deeper commitment, the more they may pull back, expressing a wish to see other people or becoming less communicative. they may view you in negative ways or see your actions in the worst possible light, suspecting that you are out to take advantage of them or restrict their freedom. they may decide things about finances, …

people with an avoidant attachment style have a deep-rooted fear of losing their autonomy and freedom in a relationship. our attachment style is on a spectrum, and can change over time and shift based on the person you are dating. when you self-soothe and get yourself in a positive state, find time to communicate your needs and preferences to your partner. for example, the next time he feels an inclination to “go poof” into his mancave, he can give you …

in reality, i knew there must be a way out of this spiral—some solution to pull me out of the depths of doubt. one of the best ways to tackle your relationship-related anxiety is to know what attachment theory is, and what having an anxious attachment style means. in the spirit of better getting to know yourself and what it is that you need in a relationship, consider taking an attachment style test to evaluate where you stand on the …

we recognize that this may be challenging for some to read and advise those still dealing with the trauma of an affair to exercise their best judgment in reading this. in this phase for recovery, according to the gottman method, it is the cheater’s responsibility to take fault as well as make amends and reparation for their actions. the everyday reminders of my cheating and the verbal lashes i received from my partner made it seem as if it would …