we went out for 18 months, but i didnât feel the same pressure to have sex that iâd had before. i said to her: âshall we have another baby?â and she said: âwell, thereâs something weâre not doing so that might take us a while,â and we both laughed and that started the whole chat about sex. it did worry me that i didnât want anything more than kisses and cuddles, and even when we had sex i knew âniceâ wasnât the word most people use to describe it. someâ of the people in the support group are clearly very unhappy at being in a sexless marriage and that must be very difficult.
thereâs a woman at our dance classâ who flirts with him and when weâ had to swap partners for the tango she was all over him and i was raging, but he didnât like her. there are no reliable statistics for how many people are happily married, or in a relationship, and who no longer have sex. unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.â so there may be the couple whose sex lives have dwindled and who are both happy with the state of affairs, or there may be those who never had a sex drive â asexual â and who have found kindred spirits. but also, not everyone is married and what does sexless mean to a couple? i donât tend to see people who arenât having sex and are fine about it, they come to a sex therapist because they want to do something about it.
a couple who have been together 25 years has said that despite not having sex in almost 20 years, they are still as happy together as ever. the closest i get is hearing other men joking about their wives not being interested in sex anymore, but we were never really interested in sex, even when we met 25 years ago,” brian said. “i really hated the way previous boyfriends implied that it was time we had sex or that i owed them something,” alison said. when it came time to their honeymoon, though, the pair gave it their best shot and had sex a number of times, but neither said the experience was particularly life-changing for the better. “i said to her: “shall we have another baby?” and she said: “well, there’s something we’re not doing so that might take us a while,” and we both laughed and that started the whole chat about sex,” brian said.
“it’s quite an odd feeling you’re not interested in something that the rest of the human race is mad about,” alison said, but shared she and brian are both on the same page when it comes to their relationship and love for one another. “i don’t have to justify our marriage to other people, but it’s almost like i have to justify it to myself,” she said, adding that their decision to hide their decision from friends comes down to the fact that “sex seems to be such a big thing to everyone else”. i believe that this is important for young people who may be asexual to understand that it isn’t something to be ashamed of, & that there are contrary to the messages they may be receiving many people in the world that aren’t interested in sex in any way shape or form, this needs to be recognised for what it is. it’s because, unlike in the old days when it was taboo to talk about sex, these days sex is talked about all the time in the media. and like everything else, if you are not doing it enough or at all, there must be something wrong with you. and it seems like to me that they have a great marriage unlike so many other sexually active married couples.
i began to feel resentment towards my wife and her unwillingness to engage with sex. i withdrew and the romance dried up. brian and alison have been together for 25 years and haven’t had sex for the past 20. here, they explain why. “none of our friends or family would believe that we have a sexless marriage,” brian* and his wife alison* told the guardian’s joan mcfadden, sexless marriage effect on wife, sexless marriage effect on wife, no intimacy in marriage from husband, no physical relationship with husband divorce, sexless marriage testimonies.
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