there are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. a 25-year-old meg ryan shouts to her pilot husband, goose, playfully, “take me to bed or lose me forever.” it’s sweet. and it speaks a simple truth—”i want you…now.” to me, though, the sexual overtone of this sentiment is overshadowed by something a little more basic and perhaps even more meaningful. just being in the bedroom at nighttime with a partner is a promising concoction for intimacy. and yet his portrayal of a couple lying side by side, reading under the starlight, is dizzyingly romantic. sometimes this means we go to bed at 8:30 or 9. sometimes this means one of us brings a laptop, turns on the television, or reads while the other sleeps. it’s a compromise that works, and according to my recent research with dr. brandon mcdaniel, it’s a compromise more couples should be making. we also asked them what they would ideally want to do with their partners during these hours before bedtime.
while a mismatch between typical and ideal routines was not predictive of satisfaction, generally, when there was a mismatch in physical intimacy (i.e., the person wanted physical intimacy but wasn’t getting it in their typical nighttime routine), it led to lower bedtime satisfaction. and engaging with technology with a partner was actually a good thing. but even in the worst-case scenario, you still watch a movie and relax with someone you like. but building an ideal nighttime routine is not a fail-proof recipe of x + y + z. some couples are going to want more sex. as each couple’s dynamic is unique, the best place to start is a conversation with your partner. incorporate more of what you want and less of what you don’t. or maybe the first step is a bolder approach. doi:10.1177/0265407521991925 there are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma.
i’m the founder, writer and advocate behind the award-winning blog, raised good – a guide to natural parenting in the modern world. i wish i knew that i was evolving – and that it was a good thing. we need to acknowledge and normalise that becoming parents – whether we choose to bedshare or not – tests a relationship in a brand new way. that is how my partner and i have had cuddle opportunities. i thought he didn’t want to be with me and he thought i didn’t want sex at all so didn’t want to even try (complete lack of communication) i think finding the time is a big issue!
having a baby attached to you at every moment made it very difficult for us to be intimate, our son is nearly 3 years old now and there are still dry spells but we are so much better at talking about it now than we were before – i think communication has been the key for us! he gets giddy with joy when our daughter wakes in the night and asks to come under the blankets with him while i nurse our baby. i didn’t plan to bedshare and now, 20 months in i just can’t imagine not sleeping with my little guy. and 2. i have a lifetime with my husband, but only a very very short season with my young children, i want to be with them for as much of it as possible.” @mypineapplefamily “i’ve been bed-sharing for 6 years. voice your concerns with your partner and strive to show them love, affection, and praise however you can, but know that this is a season. for more conversations like these, join the raised good facebook group and connect with likeminded parents – sometimes all we need is to know we’re not alone and share ideas to improve things.
new research on bedtime, relationship, and life satisfaction. emotional intimacy before bed (e.g., conversations with a partner). nothing tests a marriage like having children. dr. oscar serralach reports that even with the healthiest couples, relationship satisfaction is at an all time good listening improves intimacy in a relationship. it’s important you both feel you’ve been heard and your ideas have been considered., why is sharing a bed so intimate, napping together is an important part of a relationship, why should couples go to bed together, going to bed at the same time as your partner.
in any case, how you sleep together and how you feel about it can be one of the most sensitive barometers of your relationship. turn your phones off, light a candle or two, and prioritize your connection with your partner for just a few minutes before you doze off. – hey! do you want to improve or rebuild intimacy in your relationship? do you want to get closer with your partner and rock the bedroom?, tired of going to bed alone, percentage of couples who go to bed at the same time, going to bed alone when married, when a man sleeps with his back to you, sleeping in the same bed as someone, going to bed at the same time every night, my husband doesn’t come to bed with me, intimacy with baby in room, intimacy with baby in room, going to bed alone when married quotes, co sleeping and relationships.
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