but in certain corners of the front page of the internet, users supply some genuinely great lived-in advice about what it takes to make a marriage work. in an /r/askreddit thread on which a user asked for the best marriage advice out there, redditor u/brand790 offered a sage addendum to that. “i’m a divorce attorney and i’ve been married for almost 20 years,” u/tardymarty wrote in the same thread. forgive the things you would like to be forgiven for and fight for the things that you would like someone to fight for on your behalf. “when she and my dad were on their second separation, she was out with her best friend and was venting about all the problems in the marriage and all the things she wanted him to change,” she wrote.
“her friend asked her “what are you willing to change about yourself?” it made my mother think about how she negatively affected the marriage too and realize that if she wanted him to change things about himself, she needed to be willing to change things about herself and meet him halfway. “the whole idea that people express and interpret love differently,” she responded to a thread on the best relationship/advice she’d ever received before explaining that she is more vocal and physically affectionate about her love and her husband is the type of person who performs acts to show his love. on one thread, where a group of redditors sought advice from those who have been married for over a decade, u/liz535 responded with some succinct, yet sage advice. when they greet you, they will be recharged and ready to enjoy time with you.” in one thread, a redditor who had been married for more than a decade and described the intense hardships she and her husband have been through, offered up this nice tactic for staying strong during tough moments. then i take a deep breath and keep on moving forward in life…”
my preacher told me that legalism leads to bondage, and the last thing i want to do is to stifle my marriage.” bravely said, george. so does that mean you’re constantly thinking about how to improve your marriage? are you utilizing that freedom to shower your beloved with all kinds of imaginative attention? is your love unfettered by the constraints of checklists, top tens, brainstorms, and other people’s experience? my gut tells me that linda and i are drifting apart.” george has all the good intentions in the world. he is faithful, respectful, and shares responsibility when it comes to the children, but he senses this inexorable slipping away when it comes to a heart-level connection with his wife. it’s a man driven by love and commitment to put some great ideas into practice. “they’re not a checklist,” i told him, “so much as a series of intentions.” but they are a series of intentions that must be put into practice. like most things that are good for us, commitment to our spouse benefits from being re-upped every morning. so we recommend beginning each new day with a deliberate act of kindness to get the ball rolling. sometimes it’s as simple as refreshing the screen on a computer to get all the data up to date.
no matter how we approach refreshing, it’s always about sweeping away the cobwebs and making sure our love and our attention to our spouse are constantly reimagining and moving away from what is stale and mundane. we love to see couples recapture the raw thrill of anticipation for sharing the same room, building a life together. now determine what it is that would motivate you to ask her out again…and do it. is your conversational life boring? have you forgotten how to have fun? have you stopped dreaming together? when did you last give her flowers? have you swept her off her feet recently? have you ever thought about trying once again to win her love all over again? you may have been married just a couple of years or you may be 40 years in. maybe you need to dial it down; maybe you need to dial it up. huddle up with your kids and ask, “what do you think it means to connect with someone and what do you think it takes in a friendship?”
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“here’s the secret: be the kind of spouse that you would like to have by your side. forgive the things you would like to be forgiven for and clean the house. i mean really clean the house (or pay to have it deep cleaned). increase the frequency of date nights. offer to buy her a massage. do anything don’t ever be with someone because someone else pressured you to. i got married the first time because i was raised catholic and that’s what you were supposed, christian marriage reddit, reddit i am disgusted by my spouse, what is marriage reddit, r/divorce, r/relationship advice, married couples reddit, r/relationships, is marriage worth it reddit, what happens when you get married reddit, how do you get married reddit.
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