there are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. you know this has happened when one day you realize that you don’t like yourself, don’t like your partner, don’t like your life and are just plain unhappy. to those couples i say this – find yourself again and be someone whom you like – find who it is you were when you liked yourself the best, and start being that person again. when you do this, it is likely that you will also strengthen the boundaries between you and your spouse – moving away from any negative co-dependent behaviors you might have had. “daily, i am implementing your advice to ‘be someone whom you like.’ it has been a life-changer.
being a person you love (and are proud of) can calm your relationship significantly, but won’t solve all of your problems. if, like the woman above, you like yourself better and your partner likes you better, then you start your negotiations for the remaining problems from a significantly better point. would you rather talk to someone who is “passive-aggressive and shamey” or someone whom you adore? too many adults make the assumption that they can direct, nag, or “educate” a partner into doing things differently. a better strategy, i think, is to ‘be the person you love.’ chances are good that this person you love is also someone your partner treasures. there are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma.
one line of forest’s research in the kenneth p. dietrich school of arts and sciences department of psychology is about the importance of what she calls self-disclosure: simply talking with a partner about your goals and feelings. “when we reveal these kinds of things to other people, it gives them a chance to really get to know us and understand us, and to hopefully respond in ways that affirm our sense of who we are,” forest said. it’s not always easy to talk with a partner about your inner life, and it takes time to build a foundation of talking about deep and personal topics, forest said. while that work is still ongoing, “we think that stating your goals and preferences could be helpful, especially if your partner didn’t know them,” forest said.
being negative too much of the time, for instance, could make it harder to get support from your partner when you really need it. “when partners are instrumental to your goals, this promotes closeness and attraction in relationships,” forest said. part of helping a partner achieve their goals is — you guessed it — communicating with your partner. “if your partner is trying to learn a new language, it’s great if you know that language and can be a study partner,” forest said. while it’s good to trust and rely on a partner, the expectation that a partner can meet all of your needs can be difficult to live up to, forest said, leading to feeling overburdened or dissatisfied.
this advice has helped many couples begin to navigate difficult relationships and often comes with a wonderful surprise. psychologist henry grayson’s theory may very well revolutionize the way we look at love, friendship, and attachment. in his heretical book, mindful loving, 1. look for someone with similar values 2. never take your partner for granted 3. stop trying to be each other’s “everything”., advice on relationships problems, advice on relationships problems, relationship advice for couples who argue, relationship advice for women, best relationship advice quotes.
healthy couples make time to check in with one another on a regular basis. it’s important to talk about more than just parenting and maintaining during a fight, in the heat of the moment, it is tough to process your thoughts or frame things properly, before communicating. it will help to it’s not always easy to talk with a partner about your inner life, and it takes time to build a foundation of talking about deep and personal, strong relationship tips, who gives the best relationship advice, relationship expert advice, relationship advice for teenage girl. these 7 relationship tips from a psychologist will help allcommunication is key. give feedback, but in a constructive way. be willing to listen. don’t be dismissive towards your partner’s needs. build a collaborative process of discussion and engagement.
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