it has the ability to destroy a couple and land them in a heartbreaking divorce, or it has the ability to deepen a couple’s bond to the extent that they feel something that seems like a taste of jannah. when it comes to conflict, the only person who we can change is ourselves, so the first step in handling marital conflict is to change our own part in a destructive behavior pattern. and after the discussion is over, we have to really let it be over, even if we didn’t agree in the end. the wife is not obliged to obey everything the mother-in-law says, it is part of good manners for her to do that and it helps gain the respect of her husband but the fact remains that it is not an islamic obligation on her. the first thing a husband should do when his wife commits nushuz or the steps that lead to it is to attempt to warn her verbally, using quran and sunnah to remind her of her duties toward allah and toward her husband. the jurists have agreed that it is permissible if it leads to the woman correcting her ways and returning to proper guidance. at the very least, it can be said that she will not be able to live with that husband in a pleasant and proper manner. this is because her nature is different from that of the man and because she does not have the same kind of power and authority in the marriage as he has.
the one who does that is afflicted and he should seek to remedy himself by repenting and giving it up, not by making up excuses for himself. but make sure you do this in the right tone, you do not want to allow shaytaan to play with his mind and make him do this more because of the way you spoke to him. in general terms, to become angry easily is a characteristic which is disliked in islam, and a disease of the heart. this way the husband feels appreciated and will do it more often and the wife has more time to something else in return for him or clean up. the person you married is for a companion many people long to have but sometimes never get. so best thing to do is invite or go out with some friends and release some of the tension. if you do not want to stay clear of these people then change the subject. it is a conflict between you and your spouse.
one of the things that he should make sure he teaches his wife is the duties that she has towards her husband, and the rights that are due to her. ibn abbaas (may allaah be pleased with him) said concerning the aayah: it means: they have the right to good companionship and kind treatment on the part of their husbands, just as they have to obey their husbands in whatever they tell them to do. according to a saheeh hadeeth, some of the sahaabah asked the prophet (peace and blessings of allaah be upon him): can you tell us which kind of wealth is the best, so that we may strive to acquire it?
it was reported that the prophet (peace and blessings of allaah be upon him) said: no believing man should hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another. this is what allaah tells us to do (interpretation of the meaning): and live with them (women) honourably. you should also seek her opinion in matters of concern to you both, such as naming your children knowing that this is your right according to islam and where to spend your vacation. know that paying attention to her intellectual level, working with her way of thinking, understanding her psychology, treating her appropriately, being good to her and making her feel good are among the most effective ways of showing how wise and manly you are and how good your personality is.
however, soon into the marriage, we started to have problems. i am not going to list them all here but one of the biggest was communication. i recentlly got married and i find myself in a world of problems. our personalities clash, our mentalities are different. my wife feels that i terrible to how islam solved marital problems, by murtadha gusau 1. there must be an attempt to discover whether the problem stems from a disagreement or a, unhappy marriage islam, unhappy marriage islam, my husband makes me depressed islam, toxic marriage in islam, signs from allah about marriage.
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