there are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. of the four, mad is the emotion that men are most familiar, and comfortable with. ask most men how they feel and you are likely to get a puzzled expression, unless of course, they are angry, in which case they are often quite clear about how they feel. men get sad, glad and even scared; but anger is the only emotion that is socially acceptable for men. jackson katz, author of the macho paradox (katz, 2006), wrote that “countless men deal with their vulnerability by transferring vulnerable feelings to feelings of anger. men are socialized to express their anger overtly and to use their anger to control their partners and their own emotional experience. being angry not only helps many men to feel more in control of their own emotional experience but also use anger in an attempt to control their partner’s expression of feeling as well.
men get emotionally activated when their wives/partners are more emotional, so they often use anger to control their wives’/partners’ expression of emotions as well as their own. although anger has gotten a bad name in our culture, anger itself is not a problem. in its simplest form, anger is just a way of letting someone know that you are not happy with the way things are going between you and that you want to find a way to make things better. in many instances, men go to the familiar experience of anger to hide from themselves and others what they are really feeling. men get angry to cover their fear. avrum weiss, ph.d., is a psychotherapist and speaker who writes about the internal lives of men and their intimate relationships. there are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma.
i’ve been a psychotherapist for fifty years now and i’ve seen a lot of angry men and counseled thousands of women who live with angry men. after the birth of our two children, a lot of our attention went to them. my anger and her withdrawal caused us great pain and suffering, though it took us a long time to recognize the cause of our destructive patterns. we thought it was a copout to blame our parents, and besides, that was a long time ago.
but we came to realize that we needn’t blame them to understand that neither of us had a secure base and stress in the present triggered terrors from the past. i was fortunate to have a wife who didn’t give up on me and i finally listened. a $12 annual membership gives you access to our friday calls with the publisher, our online community. he is also a member of the international society of men’s health and a founding member of the american society of men’s health.
anger appeals to men because they can be angry and still remain well-defended and not vulnerable. being angry not only helps many men to feel male attachment disorders can sink a relationship unless you get help. a turning point came in our relationship when carlin got clear that hang out with his guy friends; do something on his own; participate in a hobby; play a game; do something that makes him feel good without you. when he, signs a man has anger issues, when a man is angry with a woman, male anger outbursts, male anger outbursts, how anger damages relationships.
the way couples deal with anger can often make or break a relationship. don’t settle for screaming matches and slamming doors. here, a therapist offers tips when a partner experiences an emotional outburst, they are likely reacting to their partner’s actions. an individual may have anger issues but generally, men tend to use anger as a dominant emotional expression. this isn’t necessarily an issue – if anger was ‘wrong’, human beings, why do guys get angry for no reason, dating a man with anger issues, male anger is scary, female anger vs. male anger, what makes a man angry in a relationship, how to deal with someone with anger issues in a relationship, what to do when a man is angry, how to communicate frustration in a relationship, what makes a woman angry in a relationship, anger in relationships reasons.
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