except, my partner won’t have sex with me and it’s been that way for the past 10 years. but i know i can’t do that and i don’t want to lose my relationship with my partner. sleeping with someone else doesn’t address the issue in our relationship, i know, but talking about it doesn’t either. in fact, right up to the point where you actually told her you’ve fantasised about sex with someone else, and she made it ok for you to go off and do just that. was it just ok– maybe rumbling along with both of you getting the bit you needed, or, has sex always been a problem that maybe both of you chose to ignore until she couldn’t do so any longer?
your needs, your story and what you would like to be different. from what you tell me, it sounds like you perhaps start any conversation from a position of wanting something to change and while that is entirely understandable, it could be that your partner feels there simply isn’t the space to expand on what’s really going on for her. your partner sounds defeated and maybe trapped by not being able to give you what you most crave, so perhaps she too, is also only hearing certain bits of your conversation with her. if you have a relationship worry you would like some help with, please send it to askammanda@relate.org.uk* your problem will be posted online, but all communications will maintain anonymity and confidentiality. we have relates across england and wales, offering different services and workshops to help you improve your relationships.
out of fear i don’t bring the topic of our relationship lacking intimacy up due to it always turning into and argument and in her words “this makes me want to sleep with you even less!” but i am beginning to feel like it’s just an excuse and another reason to push me further away. but i am beginning to fall out of love because the intimacy i crave with her is gone. putting that you feel frustrated that those first flushes or romance are gone and that you’d like to rekindle it a bit. i would also say that if you do write a letter it may be better to not even mention the sex part as they could see it as a bit of an attack, just say you miss the intimacy you used to have and you want to reconnect again as a couple. the first thing that had to happen before the conversations became productive was i needed to learn what sex meant to other people, and to understand why it was important.
i just did not get that sex was integral to a fulfilled relationship for sexuals. it was like sex with my exes i had a cup that every time we had sex, talked about it, i was asked for it etc the cup filled up and i would need a complete break for it to empty again. but i am beginning to fall out of love because the intimacy i crave with her is gone. a lot of people feel guilty and broken for not wanting sex so it quickly turns to defensive anger and nothing productive. of course, i do have someone i am finally attracted to that way and if she lost attraction for me it would hurt a bit.
if you’re in a sexless lesbian relationship, you’re not alone! here are why so many lesbian relationships stumble into intimacy issues. but not being able to express yourself sexually is very big ask – maybe getting some counselling for yourself would help you consider if a sexless relationship it’s possible trying to explore intimacy without sex might help. even if she’s not asexual finding ways to build up closeness in a non sexual, .
6. strong couples never go through sexless periods. the idea that a strong, healthy couple is always made up of two super thrilled individuals my wife of 16 years is gone for the weekend, then i’ll leave on two work trips, effectively separating us for 75% of pride month. have each partner separately write down sexual activities he or she would like to bring into the relationship, with each idea going on its own, .
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