. . the experience of intimacy in heterosexual relationships is further characterized by a gendered view of the link between emotional intimacy and sexual interactions. but this process may unfold in different ways for men and women in same-sex and different-sex couples, particularly if partners in same-sex relationships are more similar to each other in their views of intimacy and the emotion work they do in relation to intimacy. respondents were also asked to discuss how the meanings and experiences of intimacy with their partner had changed over time. compared with men, women devoted much more discussion to the importance of minimizing boundaries between partners in an effort to promote intimacy; approximately half of the women in lesbian and in heterosexual relationships emphasized the importance of minimizing boundaries between partners to sustain intimacy, compared with approximately one-fifth of men in gay and heterosexual relationships. . . . . .
. . . . . . . . we also found that men in gay and heterosexual relationships were more likely than women in lesbian and heterosexual relationships to value boundaries between partners, but the emotion work men did around intimacy was quite different in same- and different-sex contexts. but we go further to suggest that the separation between sex and emotional intimacy also means that a decline in or absence of sex over time is much less fraught with emotion and disruptive for long-term gay couples than for heterosexual or lesbian couples. in addition, future research should explore emotion work and intimacy across relational contexts, with attention to the consequences of emotion work.
sometimes we should maybe congratulate ourselves on the sex we do manage to have rather than berating ourselves for the sex we don’t have… because there are a lot of reasons you might not be having it, and the death of your relationship isn’t necessarily one of them. not that orgasm is the end-all be-all of sex, but it is a focus for many people, which means sex requires finding and setting aside more time. simply feeling confident enough about our sexualities to openly want sex is a fairly new development, so any betrayal of that feels retro and counterproductive. “my partner and i had a baby a year ago and it has been difficult to have sex regularly because of exhaustion with being new parents.” taking care of children is time-consuming and exhausting. that would make it easier to have daily physical intimacy and more frequent sex.” there are less queer people in the world than straight people, period, which means distance isn’t always a dealbreaker like it is for straights. that sentence made me laugh so hard my missus asked what i was reading and then i read it to her resulting in the same. writing it like this may sound “easy” but in my view actually contributes to the erasure of bisexual identity and representation, which i’m quite sure autostraddle doesn’t intend to do, because i know autostraddle and i know autostraddle cares about bisexuals and publishes several articles a year on bisexual representation and bisexual politics (including the wonderful shiri eisner). “lesbian relationship” seems to be used in the survey and other articles on the survey as a term that is descriptively accurate (although at times inadecuate) without being too prescriptive about the gender or sexuality of individual partners. it’s not just “completely uninterested” or “dying to do it more often.” there definitely are a lot of people whose sexual needs aren’t getting met, and it’s important to address that, but there are also a lot of people feeling pressured to have more sex than they’d want for various reasons, including the cultural idea that more sex is what they should be wanting. sex was not a positive thing in the life of valerie solanas.
she also didn’t live in a world where the dominant way of thinking about same-sex desire among the left was that some people are just born like that and it’s perfectly normal and natural. a lot of third-wave feminism is the backlash to the backlash – that resisting sexualization doesn’t need to mean resisting sexuality – and sex-positivity is absolutely valuable and important and good! but i understand that at this moment my role in her life is to support her as she works through the monumentous task of overcoming her demons. i remember having sex with a woman for the first time (which also = having sex for the first time ever for me) and being blown away that we spent 4 hours doing it…and every other time we had sex at the beginning of that long-term relationship. it’s not like going from nothing to every week – if you’re willing to talk to your partner and you’re willing to do some of the work of initiating more, there’s a pretty good chance that you can start having sex more frequently if your partner is also on board with that. out of curiosity, is it really a prevailing thing for lesbians not to have (especially non-penetrative) sex while on their periods? “even binary-identified women can have dysphoric feelings about their bodies that impact how comfortable they feel in the bedroom and what roles they’d like to play.” i think the word you’re looking for there is cis. i don’t identify as a woman and my partner is a trans guy, but so many of these make sense for us and this list makes me feel better because the weird expectations to have tons of sex have been stressing me out. if you will imagine how to love your partner and draw a lot of beautiful sex pictures in your mind, you’ll get only more problems. the strive to create a safer, and more comfortable sex-toy shopping experience for the queer community and more specifically gender non-conforming, trans and non-binary people.
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many same-sex pairs may experience extreme stress if every day supports are lacking in their lives—for example, familial, legal, religious, economic, and social 1. no one wants “drama.” 2. remember that love isn’t a power struggle in which each person tries to wrest what she needs from the other. 3. building anticipation, excitement, and romantic feelings can help. perhaps take a moment to put on some music and slow dance together, giving, how does homophobia impact friendship?, lgbt relationship, same-sex problems, being in love with the same gender, male to male relationship, lesbian quotes.
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