there is a question to ask before you embark on restoration of the relationship: “is the person and relationship you had worth the emotional effort?” it’s only a question you can answer for yourself. when trust is broken and both parties are willing to do what it takes in this formula to make the relationship work, then that relationship is strengthened and enhanced. your goal with this is to show that you are willing to be 100% honest and transparent for the sake of the relationship moving forward. try to put yourself in the shoes of the person you have hurt. if you are not willing to admit your wrong doing and apologize then the relationship cannot heal. the truth of the affair and infidelity is one hurt, it is another hurt that that you lied about skipping dinner. if the other person cares for you and your relationship then they will want to help you process through whatever fears or emotional difficulties you are experiencing that caused you to violate their trust.
if you are the offending party, you should desire for them to trust you again. if you aren’t willing to forgive, then the relationship is forever changed and likely will never be on the level it once was. it is best to talk to the individual with only them and do so in a manner that lets them know you want them to accept their wrong doing, admit to it (come clean), so that your relationship can be restored. the goal is to help the person see that you care and that them coming clean about their offence that violated the trust in the relationship is essential for the relationship to continue. make sure that what you are going to say is not going to alienate the person and end the conversation. you need to discuss how the trust was broken, what is required to heal the relationship, and how your relationship will work moving forward. if you are working together to make the relationship work, they should be willing to answer your questions. what this means is that you are both willing to work through the come forth method to heal yourselves and the relationship.
have you hurt your partner by behaving in ways that violated their trust within your relationship? broken trust can be as obvious as infidelity or more subtle as withholding information that is important in a relationship. betrayal is the breaking of an agreement, implicit or explicit, that is considered vital to the integrity or safety of a relationship. the more open and non-defensive they are, the more likely it is that there will be a resolution.
the lies and denials that are used to cover-up a transgression can do much more damage than the violation itself. most, but not all betrayals and acts of deceit can be healed. while there is no generic template to apply to these situations, there are some guidelines that can facilitate the recovery process. and the benefit of investing in that repair work often creates a relationship that is stronger than what was previously experienced. dr. spring, a gifted therapist and the award-winning author of after the affair, proposes a radical, life-affirming alternative in how can i forgive you that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives—without forgiving.
forgiveness is the first step in healing the relationship on the end of the victim. holding onto the hate, anger, and negative feelings will only make you feel trust is an essential component of a strong relationship, but it doesn’t happen quickly. and once it’s broken, it’s hard to rebuild. trust in an intimate relationship is rooted in feeling safe with another person. infidelity, lies, or broken promises can severely damage, how to regain trust in a relationship after lying, how to build trust in a relationship, betrayal of trust in a relationship, rebuilding trust in a relationship worksheets.
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