which brings me to my first and most important tip: if the time you are going to be apart is open-ended—if there’s no set end date—the long-distance relationship will not survive. i have a rule: if the person you’re dating wants you to be sexually monogamous, then they have to stay in the same place as you. if the person you’re dating can’t bear the thought of you sleeping with other people, or if they shame you for it, you have legitimate grounds to question whether or not this is going to work. take a selfie before the movie starts and send it to him. if you keep them to yourself, they will build and boil, and one day you will yell on the phone for no reason and do more harm than good.
when you are apart, it is easy to feel unattractive—there’s no one there to kiss you and touch your butt and tell you that you look good even when you think you look terrible. skype can be the gateway to great sexual experiences, especially if one of you likes to be dominant and the other likes to be submissive. he is in a bad novel and waiting to get to the end. regardless if this is true or not, the thought will turn to agony, and he will replay in his mind the last thing he said to you and the last time you touched over and over again, understanding it now to be the last time you ever will. if you can’t, the hypersexual side of gay culture will be seen as a threat lurking around every corner and will cause both of you a lot of stress.
so when people hire me for gay couples therapy or coaching, part of what they are paying for in a consultation is that long experience and “abundance of data” of how previous gay male couples handled the challenge, and then you get the benefit of those who have come before you. when this happens, we can be left with the joy of meeting someone we really click with, but then have to cope with the disappointment that we don’t live in the same city and can’t date regularly like two people who live in the same city could, easily. you are bonded emotionally in a way that crosses miles of terrain or even oceans and continents. in some cases, the budget might even allow for you to live in one city, and take a pied-a-terre apartment somewhere else, where and your long-distance partner can rendezvous (i observed this example recently with a client).
you would have to discuss which of your social environments (his, yours, or a new neutral one) is the most conducive for you to “set roots” together. and navigating your ldr involves some discussion of where each partner is going in his life and how you each foresee what you want out of this lifetime, theoretically for decades to come. so if this is your situation, and love and life have given you a long-distance relationship, you don’t have to navigate the challenges of that alone. for more information, to schedule an appointment, or for a free 15-minute consultation.
long-distance relationships are hard, but they are not impossible. like all relationships, they require intense amounts of communication, ken howard, lcsw, a specialist in gay couples therapy, gives tips on how to manage a gay long-distance relationship. being in a long distance relationship can be difficult, that’s why we created this guide to help you find ways of coping with the trials, .
this is what keeps a long-distance relationship afloat, always having another date set. the problem: we’re both gay- we’re both sexually charged people- we both have physical needs- conversation of ‘open long distance relationship’ comes up. meet someone at a bar and go home with them or normal life experience. i feel like i just adapted to what our relationship was naturally. we both have talked, .
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