so when queer people find love, they want to hold onto it. whether you did the breaking up or you got broken up with, there are a lot of emotions and feelings flying around that can be hard to deal with. crying is a healthy way to deal with your emotions, as well as being a natural way to relive stress in the body. talk, talk, talk and talk. after a breakup your mind can be all over the place and you find yourself going over little details in your head trying to process them, but somehow, this can make you more confused than ever. explain everything, go over every detail, and get them to just listen. once you understand it in your own mind, it is a lot easier to process and deal with. get an old school pen and paper and make a list of all the things you didn’t like about the relationship. when you exercise your body releases endorphins, these endorphins trigger a positive feeling, meaning after exercise you are much more likely to feel happier. exercise is also proven to relieve stress, help you to sleep better and increase your overall mood.
after a breakup you’re inevitably going to have more spare time on your hands, so find something to do instead of being with that person. now is a perfect time to try something new or get back into something you used to do. if a night out is your thing, get your friends together and just enjoy yourself. forget about worries and stress, have a drink (or not, it’s up to you) and get dancing. questionable, we know, and it certainly doesn’t work for everyone, so have a think about whether its something you can realistically see yourself doing. grab the bull by the horns and move on. what better time than after a breakup to drop them a message and say hello. having something to focus yourself on after a breakup is really important. it provides a distraction but also an outlet for your thoughts and helps to fill your spare time. the fact of the matter is, the busier you are, the less your mind will be thinking about that person who was once so special to you.
when i work with single gay men, there is often the discussion of “where do you find good men to date?” and that’s a huge, “$64,000” question. that’s not good; that’s a gut feeling that something in our relationship, something in the way we currently are living in that relationship, is wrong for us. when they do something that is a romantic gesture, we might smile, laugh, get horny, or feel relaxed and relieved to be with them. but for some of my clients, they know, on a deep level, that the couples therapy option is not something they feel will work, and they don’t want to waste time and money when they know they need something different – someone different – for their life partner.
this is why it’s so important to give a lot of thought to this (and maybe processing in your own therapy) before you “drop the bomb” of this conversation. they may, or may not, have “seen this coming.” in my experience, they have not, and it is a shock they have to process in the moment of responding to you. we go through the cruelty that it can feel breaking up with someone, only to be kind to ourselves, and also to let that partner go, and let them have the opportunity to be loved in the way that we can’t give them. it’s part of the job of adulting, and it can be positive in the long run, even if it feels difficult, or even painful, in the short term.
gay therapist ken howard, lcsw, gives guidance on when it’s time to break up a relationship. “cry it out! lots and lots of friend time, too. love yourself and do the things you always loved to do as a single person. think about what you ultimately, working with an expert is the fastest and easiest way to move on from a breakup and process all emotions. hiring a coach or a counselor is helpful, long term gay relationship break up, long term gay relationship break up, signs gay relationship is over, no contact rule gay relationship, first gay relationship breakup.
first, it’s important to know that you are reasonably too emotionally raw and vulnerable to tolerate such an interaction. as such, be kind to see if you can find any part of what they are saying that you agree with. even if you want to rush to defend yourself, do the opposite: attempt it’s fine to just be having fun, and giving yourself a reminder that you’re fun and interesting. you don’t have to obsess over whether you’re ‘, red flags in gay relationships, gay relationship advice, queer breakup advice, how to break up with someone queer, gay guys long-term relationship, autostraddle breakups, how to get over someone, toxic gay relationships, gay relationship problems, signs your gay relationship is over. how to survive (and win) a gay breakupdon’t pick up the phone. his friends are your friendsu2014until they aren’t. keep his old sweater. have an escape plan (or justbe aloof) no, you don’t need to eat pray love (like, please don’t) indulge in some sexual sorbet. be more robyn than sam smith.
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