1. say it — we all have preconceived notions regarding other cultures and races. she says that her biggest challenge at the beginning was offensive remarks made by his friends. “each time i felt offended, i talked to him about it and he would deal with it,” she says. over the years, she has heard many remarks about the colour of her skin but she says she learnt not to quickly take offence. she imagined that it was enough that the two of them could communicate. now, with a lot of patience, she has learnt conversational kalenjin, a big compromise she had never anticipated. 3. the homesickness — cross-cultural marriages sometimes involve one party relocating to the home country of their beloved. 4. assume nothing — your culture and upbringing has conditioned you to think in a particular way. when she met her asian husband, anita, a 28-year-old woman born and raised in kitui promised herself that she would be accommodating of his religion.
the intensity of their differences hit home when they found themselves having fights about minor issues like what food to cook. you will just have to handle each misunderstanding as it comes.” 5. leaning in — nyokabi, 33, grew up hearing how all successful couples had a close circle of friends and family that helped them stay together. then she married a man from a western kenya and realised that most of those close to them were unsupportive. we stopped fighting each other and started fighting to stay together,” she says. “he wanted his son to be raised exactly the same way that he was raised. 7. humour goes a long way — anita and her husband get around some of their differences by poking fun at each other’s cultural differences. educate yourself about your spouse’s culture, and try to adopt some of their practises. anita adds, “my husband was shocked when our son was a few months old and i suggested we take him to his mother’s so she could shave his head. he still teases me about it.” regardless of internal or external pressures, such relationships have a high-success rate. danny says, “my wife is asian and at work my colleagues learned not to say much.
while the prospect of cross-cultural marriage may seem exciting, couples from very different backgrounds tend to face extra challenges. know the family structure and etiquette of your own spouse’s culture and upbringing, and prepare to be more yielding than you might be in a same-culture marriage. while setting clear boundaries for such visits may seem logical to someone from the u.s., doing so can backfire if your in-laws perceive that as inhospitable and offensive. living abroad may sound exotic and alluring, but the reality might not be so peachy, especially if your destination is a less-developed part of the world.
as in any marriage, your partner’s personality is one of the most important aspects to consider – and remember to be honest in evaluating your own personality as well. the family social interference should be limited and observed closely. the process is formal and important to establish ones religion, character etc. there has been a lot of give and take from both of us over the years but marriage is a partnership with another person and their family who have there own set of values and understanding. my article was not meant to reflect on muslim marriages specifically or to make assumptions about muslim moroccan men marrying outside of their culture.
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