it causes serious pain and affects the majority of americans — and not just women or loved ones of addicts, as many people believe. instead of meeting their own needs, they meet the needs of others, and instead of responding to their own thoughts and feelings, they react to those of others. they argue that relationships are nurturing and that we’re naturally meant to be dependent. the point is that codependent relationships are not only painful, but can be unsupportive and destructive. not all codependents are caretakers, but if you are one, you have a hard time listening to other people’s problems without trying to help. for real intimacy to happen, you need to have a sense of separate identity and feel safe enough to express your feelings without being afraid of criticism or rejection. with a fragile self, codependents are afraid of rejection and abandonment, but on the flip side, they fear losing themselves when they get attached in a relationship.
they can’t say “no” without feeling guilty, and are resentful when they say “yes” to things they would rather not do. this is because they avoid taking positions at all costs, due to their fear of rejection. codependents spend far too much of their precious lives worrying about things and people over which they have no control. building a relationship with yourself leaves you no time to worry about someone over whom you have no control, anyway. if your compulsive gambling habits are disrupting your finances, relationships, and life, you may wish to consider gambling addiction treatment. understanding the signs of gambling addiction can help you figure out if you or a loved one are living with a gambling disorder. experts theorize that it may have to do with the… you may feel uneasy about addressing people who have crossed your boundaries, but there are ways to deal with these situations calmly and assertively…
sharing who we are is a problem for codependents because at the core of our relationship with ourselves is the feeling that we are somehow defective, unlovable and unworthy – because of our childhood emotional trauma. we did not have the capacity to understand that our higher powers were not perfect. the truth is that the ways that our parents treated us in childhood did not have anything to do with who we are – was not really personal. we thought our parents behavior reflected our worth – the same way that our codependent parents thought our behavior was a factor in rather they had worth. sharing who we are is a problem for codependents because at the core of our relationship with ourselves is the feeling that we are somehow defective, unlovable and unworthy – because of our childhood emotional trauma. there may be behavior in which we have engaged that we feel ashamed of but that does not make us shameful beings we may need to make judgments about whether our behavior is healthy and appropriate but that does not mean that we have to judge our essential self, our being, because of the behavior. we had to learn how to live in denial of the pain and shame at the core of our relationship with ourselves.
the secret that is killing us and has made our lives miserable, the secret we have lived in reaction to – is a lie. codependence is a defense system that was adapted by our damaged egos to try to avoid falling into the abyss of shame and pain within. we were energetically drawn to, and attracted to us, the people who would treat us in ways that felt familiar – because on some deep level we believed that is what we deserved. i reminded her that the reason her daughter was in a relationship that was controlling, possessive, and abusive was because that was the only type of relationship the daughter was familiar with. the reality of codependence is that we get in relationship with people who feel familiar – people who will repeat our childhood emotional dynamics. our defense against pain and shame actually creates more pain – and causes us to keep repeating painful patterns in a way which reinforces the belief that we are somehow defective, that we have good reason to feel ashamed of ourselves. in order to reconnect with the god-force that is love and light, joy and truth.”
you might deny your need for intimacy and feel that your partner wants too much of your time; your partner criticizes that you’re unavailable, but he or she is some people criticize the codependency movement and say that it’s created more loneliness. they argue that relationships are nurturing and that we’re naturally “fear of intimacy is at the heart of codependency. we have a fear of intimacy because we have a fear of abandonment, betrayal, and rejection., hostile codependency, hostile codependency, codependent manipulation, codependent relationship stages, intimacy vs codependency.
the skills required for intimacy are a challenge for some codependents. often, one person is the listener and the other shares feelings about a problem. listening to each others’ pain and problems might feel intimate, but caretaking or controlling ignores the other person’s separateness and autonomy. lack of intimacy: this does not mean sex, although sexual dysfunction often is a reflection of an intimacy problem. due to their weak boundaries, the codependent person fears being judged, rejected, or left, and this makes them closed off, withdrawn, and codependent relationships often involve intimacy problems, dependency, control, denial, problematic communication, unhealthy expectations, and issues with, codependent manipulator, codependent guilt trips, the dance of intimacy, codependent gift giving, controlling codependent, codependent emotionally unavailable, the dance of intimacy quotes, toxic shame and codependency, chasing intimacy, what does the dance of intimacy refer to quizlet.
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