cheating and trust

there are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. that is the crux of infidelity, and it is what must be repaired if cheaters hope to salvage a deeply damaged primary relationship. and many cheaters will opt for a different approach, which is to continue lying but to try to do it more effectively.




basically, cheaters must make a commitment to living differently and abiding by certain boundaries, the most important of which is ongoing rigorous honesty about absolutely everything, all the time. if there is something a cheater thinks his or her partner might want to know, the cheater must volunteer it, and do it sooner rather than later. if a cheater wants to save the relationship, it is unwise to deny or withhold any part of the truth. the good news is that, over time, if a cheater is rigorously honest on an ongoing basis, his or her betrayed partner should start to appreciate this, eventually believing that the cheater really is living life openly and honestly.

so, while it is helpful to decide on what you both agree on as definitively cheating and the feelings surrounding different actions leading up to cheating, an argument from ignorance of the boundaries is not a good enough excuse. regardless if you are the cheater or the cheatee, you both need to understand what you want out of a relationship and use that lens to analyze your current relationship. your partner needs to know that you regret your actions and see the sincerity in your words. you need to show them that you accept that what you did was wrong, and it was your decision alone to have made.

it can be tempting not to want to let go of what you did, or your partner did to you and lived in the guilt or the anger and sadness of the past. regardless of whether you or your partner cheated, it is important to have an open and honest conversation around what cheating means and working together to build a clear path forward so that the infidelity does not happen again. you will need to put in the work that will allow you and your partner to set realistic expectations so you can move forward from the hurt of the infidelity. you may have questions for your partner about the person they cheated on you with, or you might want to know whether they can see a relationship after infidelity built on trust and openness.

be honest, use full disclosure about the affair, and find a way to atone or express remorse express your feelings to your spouse, but be sure to avoid the gottman’s trust revival method is a three-phase process that is derived from his experience as a counselor helping couples recover from infidelity. one of the most difficult things about rebuilding trust after someone cheats is staying in the present moment and building toward the future, rather than living, infidelity, infidelity, how to rebuild trust after cheating and lying, helicopter partner after cheating, how to heal after being cheated on and stay together.

cheating is the breaking of trust that occurs when one deliberately keeps intimate, meaningful secrets from one’s primary romantic partner. while not easy to do, regaining trust after infidelity is possible; it will require serious effort from both partners and a dedicated effort regaining trust means you must show that you clearly understand what your partner has felt and experienced, and prove to them (over and over), successful relationships after cheating, can you trust someone who cheated on their ex, how to fix a relationship after cheating twice, i don’t trust my boyfriend after he cheated.

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