it’s easy to get caught up in all the butterflies when your date walks in and seems to be every bit as cute and charming as you hoped they’d be, but setting clear boundaries from the beginning is a great dating habit to have. “but you need to be sure to use the best building blocks. from the beginning, you should both make it clear how you prefer communication to be. you just want to make sure that you’re both on the same page about how you want to communicate and how often from the get-go. and of course, if you end up in a relationship, things might change as you get more serious, so make sure you think about your needs and talk about them as they evolve. ask yourself questions like this so that, when you find yourself on a date that’s going well with someone you want to keep seeing, you can talk about what’s important to you.
on the first date, it might just be a discussion of how much time you like to spend with a partner, for example. “take charge to set a boundary for how you would like your next few dates to be. relationship goes, and as a bonus, will help you get to know your date better. this is definitely something you want to be up front with about from the beginning, so that neither person gets hurt or feels like they’ve wasted their time. is both a great way to get consent and an opportunity to start a conversation about how you both want to move forward. the important thing to remember in any dating situation is that you want to make sure you and the other person are on the same page. whether it’s when you want to text each other or if and when you want to take things to a more physical level, it’s all about communication.
even though you might feel in a hurry to schedule irl meet-ups with all the tinder matches collecting dust in your app, worried about the next lockdown, letting that emotion drive your dating life might not help you keep your own best interests in mind. experts tell allure that resisting the urge to rush, and prioritizing having direct conversations about your wants and needs, is an important step in setting boundaries together. that way, you’re already clear on what’s important to you — and consequently, what will be important for you while dating. her clients routinely started new romantic relationships with facetime chats to test the waters of what each person expected, and opening up early on helped that process.
“people have to negotiate what they need, and to balance the risk that they’re taking.” but understanding the risk in your decision-making is an important piece of understanding what risks you’re willing to take. maybe your date-to-be is pushing you to go out to dinner indoors and unmasked, and you’re not comfortable with that, perhaps because you live with an immunocompromised person. only you will know which values and risks you’ll be willing to negotiate on, but thinking those through before approaching that kind of conversation will help you feel secure in doing so.
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