she’d just been told she is supposed to stop drinking alcohol, tea, caffeine, and anything carbonated, which, if you do the math, leaves you with basically nothing fun to drink. or at least i knocked it out of the park in comparison to her unendingly sweet but ultimately lost husband. i don’t know if it’s because of our biology or the way we’re socialized—probably both—but women tend to be better at empathizing and emoting. i know it’s hard, because i used to be terrible at comforting people: watching a person cry or even just vent was like the feeling of not knowing what to do with your hands in a photo, but 100 times more uncomfortable. my fifth-grade science teacher used to have a poster in her room that said, “listen and silent have the same letters,” and i remember thinking, “i get your point, but that doesn’t mean they relate. not only will it make your partner feel heard, but often a person will continue talking when presented with the opportunity to do so—and you want an upset person to talk. one of the most useless things to say when you’re confronted with sadness and grief (as opposed to worry) is “everything is fine.”
if you ask yourself what people are really grieving over when you’re comforting them, it can help you figure out what to say. but, you say, i have a good idea for how to fix the problem! even if it is so, so, so, so obvious to you that if your girlfriend should just tell her friend kendra that she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid. giving advice when someone wants comfort is the epitome of alanis’s “10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.” so when you try to solve their problems for them, it reads as a dismissal of what they’re feeling about it. supportive silence (please add in a few “uh-huhs” and “mmm-hmms,” for the love of god) is your best friend, but if you do feel the need to say anything, make it a question. you can absolutely encourage your partner without telling her what to do.
i only have to hint at having a hard time with a new colleague, and she’s already “solving” what’s really my own workplace issue, not just discussing it. the same thing happens if i have a small disagreement with my mother who’s 72 and is set in her ways. i love my mother and i love my girlfriend too… apart from her trying to “fix” things for me. a: she probably wants the best for you, but it’s also obvious that she wants you to acknowledge her contribution to your life. but so far, she immediately jumps in on your mood or a seeming problem, to showcase her own opinions. her instant-fix approach is unhealthy for your relationship.
do a re-start by talking about this and committing to work on shared problems together. q: my family is all double-vaccinated, except my brother-in-law who won’t get the shot. is it wrong to tell my sister her husband is not welcome at family get-togethers? but you want to protect yourself and your family, particularly from the delta variant which is more easily transmissible than the initial coronavirus. we all have to decide what we’re willing to give in on — whether to save a family or friend relationship, or instead to tell someone openly, “it’s your choice about the jab, but in my house, it’s my choice about who can attend if i believe that safety from covid is involved.” couples usually want a partner’s support and empathy for issues that arise at the workplace or regarding their families. anyone can read conversations, but to contribute, you should be registered torstar account holder. republication or distribution of this content is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of toronto star newspapers limited and/or its licensors.
10. always fight the problem, not the other person. if you keep this in mind when arguing, you’ll be able to actually resolve the hang out with girlfriends until late in the evening, “there is one major cause of relationship problems: self-abandonment. you owe it to yourself to give your relationship another shot. get your issues out in the open either with date nights or regular honest, advice for love problems quotes, advice for love problems quotes, words of advice to my girlfriend, best advice for girlfriend, psychological advice on relationships.
don’t ever be with someone because someone else pressured you to. i got married the first time because i was raised catholic and that’s what you were supposed bored and robed also have the same letters.” but the advice behind the terrible poster is solid. shut your mouth. talk even less than you think couples usually want a partner’s support and empathy for issues that arise at the workplace or. relationships. advice, advice for love problems, common long-term relationship problems and how to fix them.
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