fear of abandonment is sometimes referred to as abandonment issues and is usually rooted in an event from your past – and it can make it difficult to commit to and trust others in a relationship. while we often think of fear of abandonment manifesting in romantic relationships, lindsay says that this can also be experienced with a parent or friend, as well as a partner. fear of abandonment is usually rooted in a traumatic experience, often to do with loss, in childhood and sometimes in adulthood too. a lot of this is linked to your attachment style in relationships, and jo says that people with a fear of abandonment will often have a “disordered attachment style”, such as an avoidant attachment style, anxious attachment style, or disorganised attachment style.
in the case of anxious attachers, “these people tend to be fearful of losing a relationship and may develop dependent relationships,” says jo. having a fear of abandonment can also mean that you sabotage an otherwise healthy relationship, says lindsay. plus, if your fear of abandonment means you have trust issues, this can also cause you to become suspicious of your partner, she adds. as well as helping you work through your feelings, talking to a therapist might also help you feel more able to share your feelings with the person you’re in a relationship with, when you feel ready to. this is also something that is helpful to work on in therapy, or through specific types of therapy like social skills training (sst), she adds.
someone with abandonment issues can be especially difficult to deal with in a relationship. you should let your partner with abandonment issues know that you’re available to talk and willing to listen. someone with abandonment issues often wants to know that they’re not going to be left behind. the best way to deal with abandonment issues in a relationship is to state clearly that you’re ready to listen when your partner is ready to say what they’re really feeling and thinking. but people with abandonment issues aren’t reacting to anything that you did.
when you’re with someone who has abandonment issues, one of the hardest things to deal with is their instinct to sabotage the relationship. if they exhibit negative behavior or damage the relationship, their partner has a reason to leave. you can promise that you will always be willing to listen or that your partner can always come to you with their problems. you don’t have to stay with someone who has abandonment issues. if you are struggling with your own abandonment issues or think your partner is, reach out to a therapist in beverly hills.
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